Yep. I fell off again, but I’m back on. Life is proving to be a like the ocean. A costant ebb and flow of the tide coming and going. Some days energy is high, some days it is low, some days hunger is high, and others it is low.
As I go through my life, I notice when I’m feeling really good and when I’m feeling like crap, but I’ve had a hard time correlating the causes. I’ve kind of just shrugged my shoulders and thought it was part of the natural ebb and flow of being alive. But is it? Shouldn’t feeling good every day with high energy levels be maintainable long term? Am I just being naive?
My recent low and time of being off the wagon, seemed to be triggered by some crazy interactions with my semi-psychotic ex-wife. She was calling and screaming at me and would end up with crying about how she can’t take things. Let me be up front and say I do NOT like this kind of drama. I was working with my coach, Ray Brejcha about this, and he shared that this sounded a bit co-dependent and that this “relationship” seemed to cross healthy boundaries. He helped me to decide what I wanted out of the relationship. I knew what I didn’t want, but it took 3 or 4 tries to actually say what I wanted. Once I decided what I wanted (a business-like and cordial relationship that was focused solely on our children), things almost immediately improved.
Why is it so hard to decide and speak what you want? I’m not sure about you dear reader, but I find it very easy to say what I don’t want. In fact, I talk about what I don’t want quite a bit. I know that this is counter productive.
So what do I want out of this post? Funny you should ask. I want to to share the importance of deciding what you want out of life.
I also meant to talk about the importance of a good night’s sleep. Got a bit off track there, eh?
I am recently the receiver of an excellent night’s sleep, and I notice in myself a feeling of general peace, contentment, and well-being. Of course, this is after 4 cups of coffee as well. However, I do the coffee thing every day, and not every day do I have the sweet sleep of the young and innocent, as I did last night. I’m neither young or innocent (shh, don’t tell anyone).
I found myself breaking out on my back (a sure sign of stress that I’ve noticed), and I started snapping at my kids. Not normal, and definitely not pleasant. I started asking myself what was going on, and noticing that I was feelign exhausted. I also realized that I wasn’t sleeping well (love affair with coffee and all), and decided to start taking melatonin again. What wonderful stuff, and so cheap and easy.
So this is my drug induced rant on the importance of sleep and making choices. The drugs of course being melatonin and coffee. 
